Just a random philosophy

Just an another empty insomniac night.. Not so sleepy face with a big mug of coffee on the table, beside the half written paragraph on a beautiful diary, while biting a pen cap.. With a light music playing in the room. And a cat at the corner of the bed showing a pity look towards me. 

And the next minute, moved the diary aside n took my mobile. But what to do with that? Thinking.. what about calling anyone n talk🤔.. nah nah.. bad timing n bad idea.. thinking.. still thinking.. & Done thinking! 

As always ended up opening Instagram n started scrolling..

And now...

Scrolling.. scrolling.. like.. scrolling.. like.. scrolling.. Hey wait! I came across a post and it read, “Sometimes the worst place you can be is in your own head” and you know, that post hit me. And when I say it hit me, I don’t just mean mentally, no… it hit emotionally as well because it got me thinking. 

The thing about me is, when I’m alone I think, when I think I remember, when I remember I feel pain, when I feel pain I cry and, when I cry, I can’t stop. 

Suddenly Its dark..  I  felt dark.. everything is dark.. 

I know, but sometimes, in this life, what we need is darkness. I’m not saying that we should voluntarily expose ourselves to darkness no… don’t get me wrong. What I’m saying is that life is like train journey..  & some stations are calm & some are crowded, And the journey is mixture of both. Like how sometimes you feel happy with a seat when it's crowded, and how sometimes you won't be satisfied even with an empty couch..

  Everyone have either experienced something really dark at a certain point or they’re scared to even believe that life could get to that point. 

Let me just be straight with you right here right now. Regardless of whether you believe it or not, there are things that people would go through that you won’t know about. 

I can count on one hand the number of people that know about the little melt downs I have when I’m alone. 

Everyone else only know about the smiles and laughs that I show them.

Ironically, what you would tend to find out is that, the people closest to you could possibly be keeping the most from you. Truth is, you think you know them and because of that, you wouldn’t think to even question them when you feel somethings off because, you believe that if they have something to say, they would say it to you just like that. But that’s not always true you know? 

Funny thing is, I remember having a conversation like this a while ago and they asked “Why are they like that? Like they know you’re asking because you care for them so why would they choose not to say anything?” 

You see, some people are just emotionally independent when it comes to things like that and those people tend to be the people that went through a lott and had to deal with it alone because there was no one there at the time for them to run to or even talk to. 

Fact is once you go through something that traumatising alone, you learn how to be strong… alone..!

So in the end I realised that I may not be physically alone no, but mentally.. yeah may be sometimes..  

But fortunately not always;)

Signing off,

Vandanaaa❤️

#goodvibesonly✨